For those with nowhere to go on Christmas

Such a lovely thing they offer for the lonely
Benny's in Crestwood - free Christmas dinner - - 5423 W. 135th St. in Crestwood - 708-293-1010; There will be a full Christmas meal to anyone on Christmas day - RSVP to the above number - God bless you all at Benny's! :)♥

Gift Ideas for Children with Autism

Sent by our school social worker:

Holiday Resource:

Gift Suggestions for Individuals with Autism

 

Sensory Toys

· Play-Doh / theraputty

· Kinetic Sand

· Trampoline

· Therapy Balls

· Slime/noise putty

· Bubbles ~ wands, machines, etc…

· Bicycle/ Tricycle/Scooter

· Swing

· Large beanbag/ animal pillow

· Rocking chairs

· Tunnels / tents

· Vibration toys

· Light-up toys

· Weights

· Moon shoes/boots

· Body Sock

· Fidget Toys/ Stress Balls

 

Games

· Candyland Castle

· Operation

· Connect Four

· Let’s Go Fishing

· Hot Potato

· Jenga

· Mr. Potato Head

· Whack a Mole

· Sonny The Seal

· Gouie Louie

· Zingo Bingo

· Funtime Fishing

· Elefun

· Crocodile Dentist

· Don’t Spill the Beans

· Don’t Break the Ice

· Memory

· Pop Up Pirate

· Pop the Pig

· Crazy Chicken

· Hungry Hungry Hippos

· Perfection

· Trouble

· Marble Ramps/Race

· Kerplunk

 

 

 Additional Gifts

· Puzzles (sound /talking ones are great)

· Shape Sorters

· Sing-A-Long DVD’s

· Musical instruments

· Legos/ Mega Bloks

· Books with sound pads

· MP3Player/ IPOD

· Dry Erase Board/ Markers

· Weighted Blanket

· Weighted Vest

· Play Parachute

· Aromatherapy lotions/scents

· Imaginative Play Toys

 

 

Websites that offer additional ideas:

 

· Natural Learning Concepts ~ www.nlconcepts.com  

 

· www.specialneedstoys.com/usa/

 

· www.abilitations.com

 

· National Autism Resources ~ www.nationalautismresources.com/toysandgames.html

· Toys R Us- http://www.toysrus.com/category/index.jsp?categoryId=2257808  

· Fat Brain Toys- www.fatbraintoys.com   

· http://www.thinkingautismguide.com/2011/12/finally-finding-holiday-gifts-for-kids.html

 

 

Love this video called - Tara gets a paid job!

Great holiday tips from our school social worker

Emailed from our school social worker this morning - great advice!

Holiday Tips for Families with Children on the Autism Spectrum

The holiday period can be a stressful time for those on the autism spectrum because it is a breach in their daily routine. However, if we anticipate the holidays and what they entail before they arrive, the person with autism can be made more comfortable and at ease—ensuring joy for all throughout the holidays!

 

These tips can be easily adapted by a parent, a friend, a sibling or any family member. Try them out with your loved one on the spectrum. A few tips can really pay off big.

 

“Everyone in the car!” Starting Off on Successful Outings

· To help day trips run more smoothly, travel in two cars so that one person can return home

            with your loved one on the autism spectrum if he/she gets distressed.

· Eat before leaving home or bring food with you.

· Bring a quiet toy to the mall,  a restaurant, during religious services or other social

            activities.

 

“We are going to Grandma’s!” Tips for Social Gatherings

· When going to large social gatherings, arrive early to let the person on the autism spectrum get

            accustomed to the growing number of people.

· If he/she becomes distressed during a social gathering, pick a quiet place to go or take him out

            For a walk.

· When visiting someone’s home, ask to remove breakables from reach; think carefully about

            visiting those who refuse to accommodate your request.

· Bring a preferred item, favorite toys or stuffed animals to a family gathering or other social

            event.

· Before going to a family event, look at individual pictures of family members and teach him/

            her their names.

· Before going to a social event, use “social stories” and practice simple courtesy phrases and

            responses to questions, either verbal, with pictures, or gestures. (“How are you?”

            “I am fine.” “How is school?” “Good.”)

· Let trusted others spend time with your child if they volunteer.

· Ask for help if you need it.  Families and friends are often eager to participate.

 

“Do we have to go to the mall???” Shopping Without Stress

· To help your loved one with autism get used to malls, go early before the stores open. walk

            around, get familiar with the building, buy a snack when the stores open, and leave. Extend

            the amount of time at the mall each time you go.

· When shopping, be positive and give small rewards, such as a piece of candy, for staying with

            you.

· To teach your child not to touch things when shopping, visit a clothing store or another store

            with unbreakable objects; this gives him/her an opportunity to model behavior and

            minimize risk.

· When shopping, bring a helper to have an extra set of eyes and hands until you are confident of a safe experience.

· Provide headphones or earplugs to the person with autism spectrum to moderate the noise and

            activity around them.

 

Going to Worship Services

· Talk with the worship leader about what he/she might expect and how the congregation might support the family.

· Arrange for a friend or neighbor to come with you to stay with siblings should the person

            with autism spectrum need to leave during the worship service.

· Bring a quiet object of concentration, such as a rubber band, pictures, books, or an object of

            visual focus, can be very helpful, particularly if it has religious significance to enhance

            the worship experience.

· Have the child or adult on the spectrum help out. Depending on their ability, they can:

            * Greet people with a smile, and hand out service bulletins.

            * Gather up the bulletins and papers left in the pews after the service, restoring order to

                        the sanctuary.

            * Assist in holiday volunteer activities of the congregation, such as the delivery of cards,

                        toys or food.

 

Above all...

Be Consistent. Remember to apply the techniques used to involve the person with autism in daily activities to these special activities.

 

Discuss your expectations. Unwelcome surprises are never fun for anyone.

 

Be prepared and stand firm. Accept well-meaning but unwanted advice with the phrase, “I’ll have to think about that,” and smile.

 

Be safe and have fun!

Enjoy the holiday season!   

Holiday Tips

Our school social worker emailed the following today, great tips!

Family Gatherings Tips

 

Family Gatherings can be the most difficult of trips. The main challenges may be about how you and your child should behave, houses that are not child-proofed, and the high level of social interactions directed at your child. Children with taste sensitivities may also not like any of the food that is prepared.

 

1.     Travel, if possible, in two cars. One parent can return home with your child if he/she becomes distressed and the rest of the family can stay.

2.     Feed your child ahead of time. A fed child is better behaved than a hungry one.

3.     Allay concerns that your child doesn’t eat enough by explaining that he/she already ate.

4.     Bring food that your child will eat.

5.     Feed your child in a separate room, if he was not fed ahead of time.

6.     Come early before most people arrive. This let’s your child get accustomed to the growing number of people rather than being there all at once.

7.     Ask if you can remove breakable items from your child’s reach.

8.     Avoid homes where people refuse to accommodate by doing even the simplest of child-proofing. This creates and inappropriate stress level on you and your child.

9.     Pick a quiet place in the home to go if your child becomes distressed.

10. Bring your child’s favorite toys or games.

11. Show your child pictures of relatives and teach him/her their names beforehand.

12. Let others watch your child if they volunteer. You need a break too.

13. Ask for help if you need it. Ask, “Could you watch him/her while I eat?”

14. Accept unwanted advice with the “I’ll have to think about that,” and smile. They are really trying to help. People cannot understand what it is like to live with autism until they experience it for themselves.

http://www.eatthis.com/blog/5-us-foods-banned-other-countries?utm_source=nsltr&utm_medium=email&utm_content=020fastfoodbfast&utm_campaign=relch1&spMailingID=11390770&spUserID=ODQ1NjE0MjE3NTYS1&spJobID=383240331&spReportId=MzgzMjQwMzMxS0

http://www.eatthis.com/blog/5-us-foods-banned-other-countries?utm_source=nsltr&utm_medium=email&utm_content=020fastfoodbfast&utm_campaign=relch1&spMailingID=11390770&spUserID=ODQ1NjE0MjE3NTYS1&spJobID=383240331&spReportId=MzgzMjQwMzMxS0

Central Michigan University launches first northern Michigan autism clinic

Central Michigan University launches first northern Michigan autism clinic: Central Michigan University (CMU) launched a program that is the first of its kind in northern Michigan—an autism assessment and treatment clinic.

Peyton Blodgett, 8, found alive; being taken to Wolfson...

So thrilled this story has a happy ending!! Peyton Blodgett, 8, found alive; being taken to Wolfson...

Surfers for Autism ride waves of emotion - ABC-7.com WZVN News for Fort Myers, Cape Coral & Naples, Florida

Surfers for Autism ride waves of emotion - ABC-7.com WZVN News for Fort Myers, Cape Coral & Naples, Florida

McLean girl with autism writes anti-bullying book | WJLA.com

McLean girl with autism writes anti-bullying book | WJLA.com

Autistic musician Ben Jenkins performs classic jazz Rhapsody in Blue

Quebec's first autism convention opens eyes for parents | CTV Montreal News

Quebec's first autism convention opens eyes for parents | CTV Montreal News

Hull centre Matthew's Hub reaches out to people with autism and Asperger's syndrome | Hull Daily Mail

For readers in the UK...



Hull centre Matthew's Hub reaches out to people with autism and Asperger's syndrome | Hull Daily Mail

Homeless man credited with finding missing autistic boy in San...

Beautiful ending for this story :)



Homeless man credited with finding missing autistic boy in San...

Missing Pomona Teen With Autism Fatally Struck On 71 Freeway « CBS Los Angeles

This makes me so sad.  Sigh.



Missing Pomona Teen With Autism Fatally Struck On 71 Freeway « CBS Los Angeles

Getting a date when you have Aspergers and Autism

Something I suppose a lot of our kids will have to deal with eventually...



Getting a date when you have Aspergers and Autism

Gunn High senior publishes children's book on autism | News | Palo Alto Online |

Gunn High senior publishes children's book on autism | News | Palo Alto Online |

Washington, D.C.

For my birthday present, my husband took me to Washington, D.C. for the day.

Tours:  I’m usually a fan of hop-on-hop-off buses, but D.C. is very walkable and the tourist attractions are fairly close together, or you can at least visit several locations within an afternoon by walking.  One fantastic thing about Washington is that most of the tourist attractions are free of charge!

We visited:  The Smithsonian Museum of American History http://americanhistory.si.edu/.  The Smithsonian has many museums – it would take more than a day to see all of them.  The American History Museum has clothing and artifacts from every American war, pop culture and social events.  Highlights included George Washington’s outfit that he is wearing in one of his better known portraits; Dorothy’s ruby slippers from Wizard of Oz; Archie Bunker’s chair; Julia Child’s kitchen; the actual drugstore counter where in the 1960s 4 African-American youths sat down and refused to move to the black section of the drugstore; a collection of First Lady gowns; an actual pioneer covered wagon; metal beams from the World Trade Center, as well as a crushed AirFone from one of the planes.

The White House http://www.whitehouse.gov/, Washington Monument, Lincoln Memorial, Vietnam Memorial, World War II Memorial, Reflecting Pool, Women of Vietnam.  Each very powerful. 

Arlington Cemetery – http://www.arlingtoncemetery.mil/ Eternal flame by the graves of JFK, Jackie and two of their children.  All three of JFK’s brothers are buried nearby.  We caved and took a tram bus for $9 each.  We were so tired after walking across the Arlington bridge from the Lincoln Memorial – a much longer hike than it looks! The $9 tour was no big deal, considering we had barely spent any money all day with so many attractions being free.

Hotel:  We were only there for the day, but if I went back, I would want to stay at the Hilton Garden Inn-Downtown http://hiltongardeninn3.hilton.com/en/hotels/district-of-columbia/hilton-garden-inn-washington-dc-downtown-DCACHGI/about/index.html or the Willard Intercontinental http://www.ihg.com/intercontinental/hotels/gb/en/washington/washa/hoteldetail.  Both are right in the heart of everything – short walking distance to all the major attractions. 

Restaurants:  We had breakfast at Ollie’s Trolley.  http://www.olliestrolleydc.com/  Kitschy place with antiques everywhere and very good food.  Note, they only accept cash, no credit cards, but they have an ATM on site.  The meal was enough that we weren’t hungry for lunch.  We had a beer nearby the Vietnam Memorial, right in the park.  Dinner was at the airport – the National Airport Grill – http://reaganfoodandshops.com/directory/1-terminals-c-bc-b/82 good beers on tap and great food.  I had the fish and chips and my husband had a Philly cheesesteak. 

I’m not sure if my kids would enjoy D.C. at their age.  (8 and 9 and autistic)  Maybe when they’re older.  There were so many museums we didn’t get to see – so many it will take several trips before we see them all!

 

Autistic Wiki: Why Autistic Wiki?

I'm very interested to see how this develops.  My kids are a bit young for this, but what a great resource for older ASD kids and those that care for them.



Autistic Wiki: Why Autistic Wiki?:  The Autistic Wiki - Where Autism Really Speaks The autistic wiki is a free library of information about autism. It is written and monitor...

‘Refreshed’ autism strategy is all too stale, say activists

‘Refreshed’ autism strategy is all too stale, say activists

Graziano's - West Loop

When the weather is nice, I make the time to explore the neighborhood around my office, trying food from restaurants I've never been to.

I subscribe to a million email newsletters (information junkie) and this morning, I came across this one:

http://www.thrillist.com/eat/chicago/best-native-chicago-sandwiches-will-special-cemitas-italian-beef-and-more?ref=twitter-869

Most of the sandwiches look really good, although I was disappointed they didn't include the Freddie from Calabria on the South Side.  Jeff Mauro included the Freddie on his Sandwich King show on Food Network:

http://www.foodnetwork.com/restaurants/il/chicago/calabria-imports.html#!

The first sandwich listed in the Thrillist article is from J.P. Graziano Grocery, which is a healthy walk from my office.

http://www.jpgraziano.com/

It's a small place with some outdoor seating, but has lots of character. 

I ordered the Will Special, as Thrillest recommended - wow!  Seriously one of the best sandwiches I've ever had in my life - fresh mozzarella, fresh basil, hot giardiniera, Italian deli meats on really good fresh Italian bread. 

When I ordered the Will Special, the man behind the counter smiled.  I didn't see a Will Special on the menu, so maybe it's an "in the know" kinda thing.  When I was leaving, he asked if I had read "the article."  Guess I wasn't the first person there today for the sandwich.  Glad I discovered this place, though - will be back to try other things on the menu!
 

Salem’s Ballet – A documentary about autism, aspergers and a ballet dancer called Salem Foxx

Something about ASD kids and the arts :)



Salem’s Ballet – A documentary about autism, aspergers and a ballet dancer called Salem Foxx

Link regarding social skills

A link to this page was posted on one of my favorite Facebook pages.  Good exercise for ASD kids or anyone who needs help with language and social skills.

http://ideas.ted.com/2014/07/28/how-to-turn-small-talk-into-smart-conversation/

 

Cleveland Part 3

On our last day in Cleveland, we were getting ready to check out of the hotel.  I brought up a trolley and we loaded all our bags – was struggling to maneuver the trolley out the door and down the hall – looked around – where’s Todd?  A couple standing by the elevators said, “oh, he got on the elevator.” 

 

Went downstairs hoping he was in the lobby.  No.  My dad and brother went out to the parking lot to see if maybe he walked to the car.  No.  Starting to panic a little.  Did he go up the elevator instead of down?  He could be anywhere in the hotel!  Told the front desk clerk what happened – she was wonderful – got on her walkie-talkie to housekeeping, explained to them he was non-verbal.  A few long minutes later, a housekeeper brought him down  - he had been on the third floor.

 

I want to give a shout out to the employees at the Courtyard Marriott in Willoughby, Ohio – they were immediately helpful, calm and non-judgmental.  Thank you!

 

http://www.marriott.com/hotels/travel/clewb-courtyard-cleveland-willoughby/

 

 

two good articles

Picked up on one of the many autism Facebook pages I belong to...

http://autism.voirici.net/?p=352

http://blog.theautismsite.com/dillan-speech/?utm_source=social&utm_medium=dillantest&utm_term=20140723&utm_campaign=4

The second one especially got to me. :)

Re-direction techniques

Will have to try these...

http://www.yogapeutics.com/blog/4-surprising-ways-to-support-a-childs-self-regulation-avoid-melt-down

Cleveland Part 2 - Courtyard Marriott, Euclid Beach, Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, Great Lakes Brewing Co.

So we drove into Ohio – myself, my dad, my brother and my two autistic kids.  We are visiting family in Cleveland, Ohio.  The road trip was a bit rough – 5 ½ hours is tough for any kid, much less autistic.  We stopped once to eat at a Hardee’s, twice to go potty and once when we were pulled over by the charming Officer Maureen. 

We are staying at the Courtyard Marriott in Willoughby, Ohio.  http://www.marriott.com/hotels/hotel-information/travel/clewb-courtyard-cleveland-willoughby/ Great brand, very clean, good and friendly staff.  The pool is smallish (which is good when it comes to controlling my kids) and indoors (which was cool because it rained today).  They have a mini convenience store area by the front desk and a bar that serves breakfast and coffee in the morning, snacks, sandwiches and cocktails at night.  There’s also a workout room that I may be ambitious enough to visit tomorrow morning. 

Our first night, we joined family for a picnic at Euclid Beach Park.  http://www.euclidbeach.org/This is a nice picnic area, right on the beach at Lake Erie.  They have live music there on Fridays.  Playground area for the kids.  Plenty of parking at the park or at the recreation center across the street.

Saturday our original plan was to have breakfast at Bob Evans, near our hotel.  Totally packed – and anyone who knows autistic kids, waiting is not an option – neither are crowds.  Drove by Cracker Barrell, same deal.  Saw a place called Eat-n-Park http://www.eatnpark.com/(although my brother surmised, shouldn’t you park before you eat? J) – parking spaces available – got a table within a few minutes.  Good food, good service, good prices. 

Saturday afternoon, went to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland.  http://www.rockhall.com/ Cool place!  Kids weren’t very cooperative – staff were very helpful – they have free strollers and wheelchairs – my little guy was a bit big for their strollers, so we got a wheelchair – got some funny looks but that pacified him for the trip through the museum. 

Saturday night dinner was at Great Lakes Brewing Company.  http://www.greatlakesbrewing.com/home They don’t take reservations, so we showed up at 4:15, granted, in their defense, we had a party of about 28, so the wait would have been 2 hours – we instead broke up into groups of 5 or 6 and they took us right away.  Really like the venue, so relaxing – all their signature beers fresh and on tap.  Nice menu – it was a warm night, so I got the appetizer of fresh and local meats and cheeses – brisket, spicy sausage, chevre, gouda, gorgonzola, along with grapes, chutney and a carmelized onion and Kalamatta olive jam – really yummy!  Kids behaved well enough – had their standard chicken strips and fries – the fries were excellent with a breading that was cheesy and garlicky.  Great Lakes is a favorite go-to for my relatives and I will definitely be back whenever we’re in Cleveland.  There are also some interesting looking places right across the street – a coffee bar, a wine bar and another small restaurant called the Purple Fig, I think?  We won’t be there, but next week there is a Burning River festival – the  Cuyahoga River, many years ago, was so polluted it caught on fire – that was the inspiration for the Environmental Protection Agency.  Glad Clevelanders can have a sense of humor about it now. J <3 font="">

Cleveland, Ohio Part 1 - corrected contact info

Went to attend a family reunion with the two autistic kids and without the husband who couldn't get away from work.  5 1/2 hour drive from Chicago to Cleveland, but we've made the 4 1/2 hour drive to the Wisconsin Dells, so no biggie, right?


We dealt with the usual - my non-verbal ASD little guy trying to wriggle out of his seatbelt the whole way there and I spent a good amount of time wrestling with him to get him back in his seatbelt every time he tried to be an escape artist.  In his defense, one of my cousins said that his son, who is not autistic, got out of his seat belt several times on their way to Cleveland from Virginia.


Haven't been bothered by insensitive police in a while.  When I saw the lights, we assumed it was because my brother was speeding a bit  Nope.  Trooper Ladonna Klocinski of the Ohio State Police had seen me struggling to get Todd back into his seatbelt (not sure how since we have tinted windows).  When she pulled us over, he (autistic kids are robotic with routines) - the car was stopped, so he started to take off his seatbelt.  When she looked in the back, the shoulder part of the belt was off his shoulder. I tried to explain that he's autistic, I've been trying to keep his belt on the entire trip, and that when we stopped, he automatically thought it was time to take his belt off.  She stared at me blankly and then said that makes no sense. Officer Ladonna is obviously an autism expert! He wasn't in a booster because he rocks himself out of it and has actually opened the door while the car is moving a few times. She scolded me for that and also scolded me that the seat belt must have been rubbing his neck and bothering him and said to him in a singsong voice, "that's bothering you, isn't it? Mommy won't help you?" He just stared ahead.  I didn't explain that he's non-verbal, just hoped she'd think he was ignoring her for being such an insensitive witch. 


We got a ticket for no child restraints.  Now my older son is once again afraid of police and would never approach an officer if he needed help. Thanks, Officer Ladonna!  You're so good at your job! Apparently it's okay with the Ohio state police department to harass special needs parents and terrorize special needs kids.  No Officer Friendly in Ohio, you get Officer Ladonna!  Yes, I'm being sarcastic because it always blows me away when I yet again meet a completely insensitive jerk.  Anyway...I will post more later on the actual trip.  Just wanted to vent about this because I know my fellow special needs parents endure this crap from people of all walks of life and if you went through something similar today, I want you to know you're not alone.

Addendum - I was originally informed to contact Officer MacDonald in Maumee - he states he has received numerous emails and phone calls regarding this incident - the correct person to contact is:  Lt. Fisher with the Ohio State Police - 419-826-5871, email vefisher@dps.state.oh.us.  The officer in question is named Ladonna Klocinski. 

Thank you all - I am overwhelmed and touched by all the support I have received.

Music and Autism

This article on the Autism Speaks site really struck me - my PDD son sang before he spoke and music and theatre are so beneficial to him...

http://www.autismspeaks.org/blog/2014/07/10/awe-inspiring-paul-mccartney-cover-adult-autism?utm_source=social-media&utm_medium=text-link&utm_campaign=espeaks

Autism Speaks on dining out

I dine out with my kids a lot - there's some good stuff in this article.  My favorite tip from Autism Speaks is the suggestion to sit in a booth by a window - distraction and if you make your child sit on the inside, it's more complicated for them to escape to run around the restaurant. :)

http://www.autismspeaks.org/family-services/going-out-to-eat?utm_source=social-media&utm_medium=E-speaks&utm_campaign=042712

Special Needs Mom Poem

Pulled this from another autism mom's blog that I love (http://lifewithautistickid.com/author/lifewithautistickid/):

 

You may think us "special moms" have it pretty rough.
We have no choice. We just manage life when things get really tough.
We've made it through the days we thought we'd never make it through.
We've even impressed our own selves with all that we can do.

We've gained patience beyond measure, love we never dreamed of giving.
We worry about the future but know this "special" life is worth living.
We have bad days and hurt sometimes, but we hold our heads up high.
We feel joy and pride and thankfulness more often than we cry.

For our kids, we aren't just supermoms. No, we do so much more
We are cheerleaders, nurses, and therapists who don't walk out the door
We handle rude remarks and unkind stares with dignity and grace.
Even though the pain they bring cannot be erased.

Therapies and treatment routes are a lot for us to digest
We don't know what the future holds but give our kids our best.
None of us can be replaced, so we don't get many breaks.
It wears us out, but to help our kids, we'll do whatever it takes.

We are selfless, not by choice, you see. Our kids just have more needs.
We're not out to change the world, but want to plant some seeds,
We want our kids accepted. That really is our aim.
When we look at them we see just kids. e hope you'll do the same.

April Vernon

At the Office

At the Office – looks like it should be a chain restaurant, but I don't think it is – close location to where we live, in Crestwood, Illinois.  Good food and the staff are always kind and understanding to my kids.  The servers are dressed in slutty referee outfits for some reason, but are lovely, sweet girls who are good at their jobs and great with children.  The customers aren’t quite as kind, but I’ve gotten used to that and it truly bothers me little these days.  I had a date night with my little guy a few weeks ago, as his dad and brother went to see Transformers.  We walk into the restaurant and he joyously ran into the bar area, arms up and yelling happily.  We garnered some attention as I had to physically drag him to our table.  Once I gave him my phone, he was perfectly quiet for the rest of our visit and actually behaved better than some of the other kids in the restaurant whose parents gave us weird looks when we first arrived. I mention this place as it’s a good location for special needs families – large open space – lots of crowd noise so your child’s noise isn’t too bad – the tables aren’t too close together either.  Here’s a link to their website: 

http://www.atofficesportsbargrill.com/location-and-hour/

Yellow Dot Illinois

Just found out about this today - this system alerts first responders that a special needs person is in your vehicle.

http://yellowdotillinois.org/

Bullying

Bullying is unfortunately common, but more common toward special needs kids - the below is copied from a special needs support site:

 

How to talk to your child about bullying

Help Your Child Recognize the Signs of Bullying

Children may not always realize that they are being bullied. They might think it is bullying only if they are being physically hurt; they might believe the other child is joking; or they may not understand the subtle social norms and cues. Children can benefit from a definition of the differences between friendly behavior and bullying behavior. The basic rule: Let children know if the behavior hurts or harms them, either emotionally or physically, it is bullying.

Parents can prepare themselves to talk with their children by considering how they are going to respond to their child’s questions and emotions. They can also decide what information they would like to give their child about bullying.

Parents should be ready to:

• Listen. It is the child’s story; let him or her tell it. They may be in emotional pain about the way they are being treated.
• Believe. The knowledge that a child is being bullied can raise many emotions. To be an effective advocate, parents need to react in a way that encourages the child to trust.
• Be supportive. Tell the child it is not his fault and that he does not deserve to be bullied. Empower the child by telling her how terrific she is. Avoid judgmental comments about the child or the child who bullies. The child may already be feeling isolated. Hearing negative statements from parents may only further isolate him or her.
• Be patient. Children may not be ready to open up right away. Talking about the bullying can be difficult because children may fear retaliation from the bully or think that, even if they tell an adult, nothing will change. The child might be feeling insecure, withdrawn, frightened, or ashamed.
• Provide information. Parents should educate their child about bullying by providing information at a level that the child can understand.
• Explore options for intervention strategies. Parents can discuss options with their child to deal with bullying behavior.

Questions to Ask Your Child about Bullying

Open-ended questions will help the child talk about his or her situation. Begin with questions that address the child’s environment. For example, “How was your bus ride today?” or “Have you ever seen anyone being mean to someone else on the bus?” Then move on to questions that directly affect the child such as, “Are you ever scared to get on the bus?” or “Has anyone ever been mean to you on the bus?” 

If the child is talking about the situation, parents can help their child recognize bullying behavior by asking more questions such as:

• Did the child hurt you on purpose?
• Was it done more than once?
• Did it make you feel bad or angry? How do you feel about the behavior?
• Did the child know you were being hurt?
• Is the other child more powerful (i.e. bigger, scarier) than you in some way?

For the child who is reluctant to talk about the situation, questions may include:

• How was gym class today?
• Who did you sit by at lunch?
• You seem to be feeling sick a lot and want to stay home. Please tell me about that.
• Are kids making fun of you?
• Are there a lot of cliques at school? What do you think about them?
• Has anyone ever touched you in a way that did not feel right?

Reactions to Avoid

When children choose to tell their parents about bullying, parents might have one of three responses. 

1. Tell their child to stand up to the bully
2. Tell their child to ignore and avoid the bully
3. Take matters into their own hands 

While these reactions express genuine caring, concern, and good intentions – and often reflect what parents were told by their own parents or other adults – they are likely to be ineffective. Parents may feel better for having taken action, but these reactions can have harmful consequences. Here’s why these responses will likely be unsuccessful:

1. Tell your child to stand up to the bully – This can imply that it is your child’s responsibility to handle the situation. While there is a ring of truth to this statement (being assertive is often a good response) sending your child back into the situation without further information will probably cause more harm. A more effective response is to brainstorm options with your child about what you can do as a team to respond to the situation. 
2. Tell your child to ignore the bully – This is easier said than done. Your child has probably tried ignoring the situation, which is a typical response for children. If that method had been effective, however, there wouldn’t be a need for the child to seek your help. It is difficult to ignore someone who is sitting behind you on the bus or next to you in class. 
3. In addition, if the student who is bullying realizes that their target is purposefully “ignoring” them, it can actually ignite further bullying, since that response provides the sense of power and control the student seeks.
4. Take matters into your own hands – A normal gut response from parents is to try to fix the situation and remove their child from harm. For example, a parent might call the parents of the student who is bullying, or directly confront the bully. Remember, when children tell a parent about bullying, they are looking for the parent to guide them to a solution that makes them feel empowered. Involve them in the process of determining next steps. Typically, calling the other parent or directly confronting the bullying student is ineffective. It is best to work through the school and implement steps to respond.

It Is Important to Help Your Child Know That They Are Not Alone

• You are not alone. Many children feel that they are the only ones who are bullied and that no one cares. Let them know that there are people who do care.
• It is not up to you to stop the bullying. It is never the responsibility of the child to change what is happening to them. 
• Bullying happens to a lot of kids but that NEVER makes it right. Let your child know that bullying happens in small schools, large schools, rural schools, and city schools. It can happen in preschool, high school, and every school in between. It happens in Australia, Argentina, and all around the globe. Certain people will say that some kids deserve to be bullied because of the way the child looks or acts, but this is simply not true.
• No one deserves to be bullied. Everyone deserves respect. All students have the right to be treated with dignity and respect, no matter what.
• We all need to work together. Everyone is responsible for addressing bullying. The community, schools, parents, and students all play a role.