Why my new stove?

Most of the time, I have patience with my children. Honestly, Xanax is very helpful. Some days are harder than others. Todd has had repetitive behaviors since he could walk. Some are more destructive than others. When he lines up toys on every surface in our home, I’m ok with that. When he repeatedly bangs doors shut or against walls, I get a headache and the neighbors feel the need to call the police. This past weekend, his behavior unexpectedly made me cry. I have a stove that we purchased only a few months ago. Todd likes to open and slam shut the oven door. Sunday, I realized the oven light was on. The door won’t shut all the way. It’s hyperextended and we will have to have a repair person come out. I don’t know why that upset me so much. It’s so hard to try to have nice things when you have kids in the first place, but with autistic kids, it’s worse. Am I going to have to get a second part-time job, go back full-time or pray to win the lottery so I can continue to pay for the broken appliances, holes in the drywall, chipped paint, torn carpeting, doors coming off their hinges from slamming, cracked iPad screens, scratched computer LED screens, broken expensive toys…where does it end? Does it end? What happens when Todd isn’t little and cute anymore? What happens when he’s so big, I can’t physically control him anymore? I don’t want to go there in my head.




Update: $75.00 just for the Sears repair guy to come out and tell us the stove is a total loss. He twisted the hinges of the door a bit so at least the oven light goes off and the door almost closes. We had frozen pizza for dinner last night and it baked just fine. Sigh.